Who I Am

I’m 49 years old, married with two kids, two cats, one dog and one fish.  I have a higher than average education, I work a 40 hour a week job, drive a Ford hybrid and live in a suburb.  My hobbies include crochet, knitting, reading romance novels (especially paranormal romances) and watching movies (especially psy-fi movies).  A pretty average person and life depending on your perspective.

Now, more detail about who I really am.  I absolutely adore my family.  I am very happily married to an incredible man who seems to have been born specifically with me in mind.  My two girls are both treasures and will always be two of the most meaningful and profound experiences in my life.

I experience low self-esteem often and hate that I care what others think about me. I have experienced depression and discontent with my life  I’m lazy, selfish, vain, envious, judgemental and assertive.  Some would even say gruff, harsh, inflexible, unfriendly, mean, negative, pessimistic and a bitch.  I can be hypocritical often.  I have very few friends whom I see occasionally.  I want to believe in God, but have very little faith.  In addition to all of this I am an introvert.

On the flip side, I am very loyal to those I love.  I have worked with the poor and underprivileged my whole career to improve their emotional, physical and environmental well-being.  I donate to the Nature Conservancy League, the National Wildlife Federation, and to a German veterinarian who works in the Gambia spaying/neutering and providing free medical treatment for stray dogs and other miscellaneous animals. I care about the Earth, I recycle and conserve water.

I am mostly Republican and I voted for President Trump.  I’m not politically involved but have strong opinions about political things.  I hate crowds, long lines,  traffic and child abuse.  I strongly dislike a lot of things such as unsafe and discourteous driving, line cutting, corruption, untrained/misbehaved dogs and an unearned sense of entitlement.  For example, when a person smokes, drinks, over eats or eats very unhealthy and/or does not take care of themselves their whole life then they get sick and expect others to take care of them and pay for it.

I dream often of being financially secure enough to never have to work for someone else, to be able to travel often and explore more interests and hobbies.  It’s frustrating to be at a job all day working for others when I only dream of becoming more self actualized and spending more time focused on my interests and the interests of my family.  I feel working 5 days a week and having inadequate money prevents me from exploring my full potential.  Life is so short and half my life is already over.  My future will be more of the same. A squelched existence.

If this post does not give you a sense of who I am then wait for my next post.  I will share how I came to be who I am by exploring my past…dun, dun, duuuunnn!  Later.

First post on my blog

First, just a brief explanation of my intention for this blog. It will be a personal blog about me and my life that will be written in a journal type style. I have considered what topics I want to discuss, how graphic I will be (this blog may not be appropriate for kids), and how much of myself I want to reveal. My intention is near full disclosure. I don’t plan on holding back…much. I’ve decided to share memories, thoughts, personality quirks (good and bad), opinions that even my best friend and husband may not know.  I hope through honest self-reflection and complete honesty (to myself) I may move closer to self-actualization. As a middle-aged introvert, I have much to self-actualize! I suppose by putting myself “out there” figuratively and literally makes who I truly am real and more importantly, known. No holds barred! Obviously I have something more I need from this life.